I finally feel like I am "home." After being here for two months, I would have to say that I feel settled. Settled in more than one way. Moving away from the people and place that was comfortable, to a place where I don't know one person, has forced me to put myself out there in a whole new way. A way that takes me back to the insecure days of junior high. "Hi, wanna be my friend?" Pretty pathetic.
Since life during the day is often lonely for me, I have really dived into motherhood, in a new way. Reading books, playing hide and seek, watching the Disney channel, and playing at the park fill my days at a new level now. These little boys have become my best friends. I have two little shadows who love me unconditionally. They don't care if my clothes aren't fashion forward, or even if I haven't showered. I have traded in my black skirts and heals for sweats and tenni's. Sweat outfits have become my new mom uniform, and I don't know of a better uniform that I could wear.
Not only do I feel like I am home, as in we now have one, but I also feel like I have become more at home with myself. It has become very clear to me that my calling in life is not going to be owning a high-end salon in downtown SLC. My calling is to be a mom. Poopy diapers, sippy re-fills, naptimes, sleepless nights, sticky kisses, and all. When I think that my life couldn't be any more monotonous, and that my kids couldn't be any more needy, I think of those who would kill to have a life like mine. I think of those mothers who have dreamed their whole lives about having two little boys who demand their constant attention. Motherhood is a gift. I have one shot at this, and I don't get a do-over. I have been thinking a lot about the quote from David O. McKay. He said, "The greatest work we will ever do is within the walls of our own home."
I often need a reality check to remember what matters. If I can rest my head at night knowing that I did my best for my kids that day, then I am doing my job. I have a lot of learning to do, but I am finding true joy in the journey of discovering myself in motherhood. I hope you are too.
